I have been having conversations recently with men about this thread of male consciousness and expansion, and one of the themes that continues to come up is that of play. One of the troubling things that continues to present itself is that this “men’s work” that is slowly gaining traction is not often focusing on the aspects of play, joy, lightness, delight, and having a silly or free heart. We see a lot of intensity coupled with a real heaviness about things that are deeply important, such as responsibility, ownership, stoic practices, and discipline. Of course, these are also a part of the tool belt for the fully robust and expanded man. But in a society that does not value the type of play that comes from freedom, I believe the truly elevated and mature man is able to be in a state of play even when things are melting down around him.
Culture is very heavy currently. There are many problems being presented in the world that seem to increase daily. The news is a mess of fear and control. Just take a look at people walking down the street. (This is another great practice: leave your phone at home and visit a café or sit on a park bench and just observe. Learn to feel the place that you are in and become insightful about the energies of other humans. Learn how to read body language and study human engagement without always being entertained by a device. More to come on device engagement and how to practice presence without a screen.) The heaviness, the inner turmoil, the sadness — it all weighs heavily on them. The heart is not able to truly have fun through the practice of belief in goodness and love.
I’m reminded of a quote from Jordan Peterson on the importance of play. Whether you enjoy his work or not, he has some very valuable insights into this topic:
“Play is the antithesis of tyranny. Play has to be voluntary and invitational, or it’s not play. It’s toil, tyranny, and slavery if it’s not play.”
What he is saying here is that play keeps us free. The reason that tyrants can’t play is that they are bound by control. Everyone has to do it their way, and we can see that this isn’t the nature of play. When a person is living with a playful heart, they have let go of their egoic mind enough to be able to fully surrender and honor the inner child that is always longing to be acknowledged in his or her love of play. Some of the most controlling, difficult, tyrannical, and overbearing people I know have no concept of how to play and let go of the seriousness of their views.
If you have any small children in your circle, spend some time with them. Their whole world is about play. It’s perhaps the most present thing that we can do. I am also reminded of a little talk from Eckhart Tolle on the way that dogs maintain a carefree and playful attitude at all times, which reflects the absence of ego. Spend a few moments with a dog and you will notice the lack of seriousness and the focus on play and enjoyment. It is not even something that they consider — they simply live in the essence of play without any barriers.
For us, I’m not talking about doing Legos (although that could be part of the practice). I’m referring more to the inner world that sees life and relationships as opportunities to dance and play with the gift of existence. There is an incredible disconnection from the child within and an immense overemphasis on being a grown-up and “participating in society.” While there is nothing wrong with this, the attitude often leaves us feeling repressed, sad, and serious instead of seeing the world through the color of playfulness. I don’t believe we are part of a society that emphasizes the type of play that can lead us to living freely and less burdened.
The goal and emphasis are on less striving, seeing the color in the world through a whimsical view, and removing the things that cause us to be hunched and serious. Many of the things we are entangled with on a daily basis are prescribed as “responsible,” “the right thing to do,” or “just the way it is.” Personally, I am wary of the excuse that things are just the way they are. The way of seriousness, sadness, depletion, and minimal play is not the design of the human heart.
Go to a dog park or a humane society and play with dogs — take note of their immediate ability to play.
Organize a neighborhood kickball game.
Join a rec sports league.
Set aside time for a dance party after work in your house.
Go to live music.
See genuine and light-filled stand-up comedy.
Go to trivia night at your local pub or brewery.
Volunteer to coach a kids’ sports team.
Go to a park and swing on the swings.
Build a slip-and-slide in your yard.
Visit a trampoline park.
Go to the batting cages
Play putt putt golf
In what ways have I forgotten about the importance of play? Does play have its place in my life? In what capacity does it exist in my life? Do I have awareness of my inner child and his or her needs? Can I give more time to explore this? What things can be removed or reduced that hinder play? What has been my philosophy about play in the past? Was this encouraged when I was a child? When did I lose touch with it? Do I feel cultural guilt about too much play? Do I feel subconsciously like a slacker or a loser if I’m being silly? Are there people in my life who can support this and join me?
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